Harper Derangement Syndrome (HDS)

I am not a psychiatrist, nor have I acquired any sort Bachelors degree or a Masters degree (as of yet). However, I do know that there is an affliction that is spreading quickly throughout our land.

It has the capability to be contagious, but only amongst those who have not built up a strong immune system. This same system can be severely weakened by exceeding CBC viewing passed the prescribed dosage of 3 hours every Saturday night.

I have decided to diagnose a good portion of the population with an affliction known as “Derangement Syndrome”. The last time such a syndrome was diagnosed to such a large portion of any population is in 2006, when Dr. Charles Krauthammer cited cases of “Bush Derangement Syndrome”. Krauthammer defined “BDS” as “the acute onset of paranoia in otherwise normal people in reaction to the policies, the presidency — nay — the very existence of George W. Bush.”

This “derangement syndrome” is “Harper derangement syndrome”, or “HDS” for short. The description is as follows: “The inclination by otherwise smart and informed people, to criticize Stephen Harper, and to obsessively find reasons to oppose the Prime Minister.”

Of course, like any other infliction, there are certain signs and symptoms one can look for. If one of your friends or family members have started to repeatedly use the word “control”, or “dictator” when referring to the current Prime Minister, these could be the first signs that something may be amiss. Amongst the haughty, only the simpletons use such words, so they instead opt for the terms “shame” and “contempt”. It is not uncommon for them to be weeping and/or shaking while shouting these words (sometimes in public). This sometimes manifests itself in the form of angry posts in the comments section of news stories on various websites.

Those who are showing these signs publicly often do not disclose their identity, and opt to only show their screen names, eg. “CON CON KLAN” and “NE1BUTSTEVIE”. This has made it hard to try and identify those who have come down with HDS.

The disease is known to spread to the intellectual elite at first, and then travel to those whom, as mentioned before, do not have the ability to fight off, or reject such a vicious strain. The countries youth seem to also be increasingly susceptible, which could be due to years of indoctrination in the classroom from radical teachers, and it has been found that those, whom dedicated their younger years to playing sports, or working part time jobs, are less likely to have such weak systems.

Experts have not yet pinpointed the breeding grounds for the disease, since many of these “experts” have themselves been inflicted, and cannot conduct studies from their quarantine sights.

Doctors are urging anybody who has attended large protests, such as “Israel Apartheid Week” to get a checkup immediately. A medical doctor, who wishes not to be identified, says of the disease “This is not something you want to go through. Not only will it have negative effects on your life, it will also put enormous strain on your family.” The doctor went on to emphasize the importance of keeping the cases to a minimum, especially with Election Day fast approaching.

When doctors were asked about the origination of the disease, they could not make any direct links, but they have said they believe this particular strain of contagious HDS started in the Toronto Star writers offices, where disturbing diary entries and column rough drafts were found with schizophrenic like diatribes about Harper and the prospects of a majority.

There is speculation that some provinces may be enacting laws that prohibit those who have been diagnosed from entering. The fear that the disease could become an epidemic is very real, and government officials who have not yet been infected are taking all necessary precautions. However, many activist groups have declared such policy proposals to be “unfair”, and “fascist”. There is no word on if the proposed legislation will be signed into law.

I myself have encountered many instances of the disease, going as far back as 3 years ago. From high school teachers who demanded that students call Stephen Harper to demand action on the environment, to friends who would launch into Facebook tirades about the Prime Minister. It would seem that HDS has been lingering for many years, but an increase in cases have been found during election time.

There is not yet a known cure to HDS, but there are many people who are working day and night trying to suppress the disease as much as possible. It is advised that those who believe they may be susceptible to HDS to watch one hour of Sun News once a day, every day, to decrease your risk. You can also give what you can to the Conservative Party of Canada, and you may just be able to save one more person.

The time to act is now, help stamp out Harper Derangement Syndrome once and for all, before it’s too late.