“My girlfriend has gained weight—like, a lot of weight. I don’t want to be “that guy”, but I’m finding myself significantly less attracted to her. I never considered myself as a shallow person, but I’m honestly thinking about breaking up with her—does that make me a horrible person?” –Dan
Firstly, the way you’re feeling isn’t shallow. Let me explain what shallow is, and what the difference is: It would be shallow to date a mean girl with a horrible personality, and who treated you poorly, just because she was hot. Many people of both sexes are guilty of doing just that. In fact, I’m quite certain I’ve done this myself in years past, when I was young and foolish. It’s shallow to make appearance the only factor you consider when choosing a partner. It is not shallow to include physical attraction as part of a package deal that you search for. When I met my fiancée, I was absolutely blown away by the fact that she was down to earth, very intelligent, really cool, but also an absolute 10/10 jaw dropper. [Editor's note: he's not lying]. It was the fact that she had all of those characteristics that made me cancel the date I had that night, and spend it with her instead. Being physically attracted to your partner is a very important part of a healthy relationship.
Before you break up with her over this, however, you should consider a few things. Was she a healthy weight before, and is her current weight now something that would be considered unhealthy? Has she been under a lot of stress lately? What would she say about your weight, given the opportunity? The last question seems somewhat juvenile, but it’s relevant. Consider it when I make a recommendation, momentarily. Stress is a major cause of weight fluctuation—it can cause both rapid weight gain, and rapid weight loss, and which one it is varies from person to person. Consider her circumstances before making any decisions.
The most important question here is this: if all else besides her weight remained constant, would you still want to be with her? If the answer is no, and there are other issues that have you wanting to part ways, than you should break up with her. At only a few months in, it’s best to do it now before either of you have too much invested. If the answer is yes, then here’s my advice:
Join a gym together.
Or, if you’re both gym members already, join a spin class or yoga class together. The key thing is to do it together, and suggest it as a fun activity you can do together. Sure it’s some effort to put in on your part, but some extra exercise will benefit you as well. This way you can help her back to a healthy weight, you can get healthier yourself, and you don’t have to be the jerk who says, “Yes honey, you do look fat in those jeans”.
Folks, I’m here to answer your questions! If you have a dating, relationship, or seduction question, send it to us here at Landmark via Letters@LandmarkReport.com.
Better yet, find an exercise plan you can both enjoy, like large amounts of sex. Make sure she's on top a lot, though, or else she won't burn many calories at all.
I think the author should change his answer to “Yes Dan, you are a horrible person.”